In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
