I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
