Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
