yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
