I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
