so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
