I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
