youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
