dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
