Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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