I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
