hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
where does the pee come out of this thing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
