at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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