I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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