...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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