glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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