I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
