apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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