i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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