Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
