I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
