Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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