Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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