Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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