It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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