you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
