He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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