my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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