The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize