he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
