I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
