i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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