We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
