Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
