Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
