I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
