Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this beer tastes like vomit already
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
