i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
