wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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