So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am naked and annoyed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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