OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
