...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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