I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
