I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im part way to drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
