I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
