My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
