I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
