I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
