I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize