hell yes lets make some ravioli
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
