I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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