Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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