We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize