Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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