I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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