rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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