never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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