she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
