Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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