Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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