I just cut my nipple shaving
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
