I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
