Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she told me i tasted like america
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
