I bet he comes in French.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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