So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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