I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
