when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
