They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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