Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize