Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
