Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
