I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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