Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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