Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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