where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to calm my uterus...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
