girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
