Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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