Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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