Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
