I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
