hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
