ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
