Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
