I cut my penus on the lid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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