I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
