I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
