btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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