You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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