I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We are all done wearing pants today
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
