Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
