Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
