I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
