Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
