Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
