his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
