I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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