I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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