my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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