This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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