It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
