we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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