If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
