she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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