Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
