you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
