Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
