I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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