You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
